Tuesday, December 31, 2019

10 year challenge. #10YearChallenge https://t.co/NX2LLTe32D [@_youhadonejob1]

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Monday, December 30, 2019

Me trying to get fit after Christmas https://t.co/4MJv19OcAE [@Ffs_OMG]

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Sunday, December 29, 2019

[๐Ÿ”Š] Don't stop! ⠀ By 03uni24 | IG https://t.co/8lLtixlZqw [@9GAG]

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Gutted to have missed out once again on the New Year's Honours List But relieved HMG have not revealed my private information to the hordes of hackers, burglars and assassins lurking out there I guess it evens out [@JohnCleese]

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Romantic accident. https://t.co/ZGEPuxMszU [@_youhadonejob1]

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Me: I think you suffer from the opposite of imposter syndrome Psychiatrist: Get out of my chair Me: There you go [@ItsAndyRyan]

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Friday, December 27, 2019

"Don't worry lads, we've got the wind with us next half!" https://t.co/vT3iZ4TwdM [@funnyfutbolvidz]

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Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Relatives Gather From Across The Country To Stare Into Screens Together https://t.co/Rp5dw6OjEU https://t.co/toD2RzqqvS [@TheOnion]

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Sunday, December 22, 2019

I see reviews of the decade about to end and different cultural milestones that defined us but I believe few moments represent the '10s better than this: a common person taking a complex task in their hands with no skill or preparation delivering a perplexing result for posterity https://t.co/qXdtPvH9ns [@redlightvoices]

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Saturday, December 21, 2019

Priest: Do you take this woman do be your lawful wedded wife? Yoda: Do I Priest: That's what I'm asking Yoda: *long sigh* [@ItsAndyRyan]

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Wednesday, December 18, 2019

German parking cop gave a ticket to an art piece because he thought it was illegally parked. ๐Ÿ˜‚ https://t.co/grIM3GbGqK [@_youhadonejob1]

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Guys with record players are all edgy n cool til the music stops mid-shag and u can tell he’s making the conscious decision of whether to flip the record or continue in noticeable silence [@amyvalentinex]

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This is the only way to put salt on roads. https://t.co/LR3XcVTpKm [@_youhadonejob1]

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Tape technology has come a long way. https://t.co/aN6JMVihWs [@_youhadonejob1]

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You Had One Job! https://t.co/EqSXM6r0pt [@_youhadonejob1]

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Monday, December 9, 2019

Retweet if you see it https://t.co/PHCKEnh8sy [@DepressedDarth]

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Sunday, December 8, 2019

When you wake up and can't find your phone https://t.co/kJQT8b433x [@9GAG]

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Get the name of your Star Wars robot by combining the 12 digit number on the front of your bank card with the 3 digit number on the back. Mine's 7489 3376 4522 9704-638 What's yours? [@joeheenan]

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BA Baracus Joke forma ๐Ÿค Missed a T ๐Ÿค Badly packed Me when outside golf bag the UK [@ItsAndyRyan]

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Me: I don't have a favourite child Son: But I'm your only kid [@ItsAndyRyan]

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Wednesday, December 4, 2019

BREAKING: Channel 4 replaces Boris Johnson with block of ice. UPDATE: Block of ice a hit with voters - Moves ahead of Labour in the polls. [@haveigotnews]

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Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Not what I expected to see during the Tottenham match tonight ๐Ÿ˜ณ https://t.co/bInA1OoOfQ [@FCK1S1S]

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Queen cancels Prince Andrew’s birthday party, and will announce decision on Xbox and iPad privileges by the end of the week. [@haveigotnews]

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The next Royal elections are going to be fascinating. https://t.co/fQR2MlIoRC [@edcaesar]

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Tuesday, November 19, 2019

That friend who tripped over nothing https://t.co/rYq9FEVRGp [@9GAG]

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twitter must auto-pick what article represents a trend because holy shit https://t.co/5HzqidAai7 [@eddyburback]

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Spider Panics After Losing Track Of Human It Noticed Scurry Across Floor https://t.co/UKosqEZT0E https://t.co/5eS196CEwX [@TheOnion]

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Wednesday, November 13, 2019

After Jeremy Corbyn unveils £3bn plan to offer adults the chance to learn basic skills, members of his shadow cabinet say they can’t wait to get started. [@haveigotnews]

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Friday, November 8, 2019

‘New Day, Same Bullshit,’ Whispers Dalai Lama Before Slapping On Smile To Greet The Masses https://t.co/7S3IY4x7ZE https://t.co/als4k1RXJ9 [@TheOnion]

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Sunday, November 3, 2019

We call them ‘shaggin’ wagons’, say retirees with campervans https://t.co/5rdYpWLRBD https://t.co/VnLTYy5lRD [@thedailymash]

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Whoo is this caster? ๐Ÿ“น @vaylafi https://t.co/fhN91G1GMc [@9GAG]

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๐Ÿคฎ๐ŸŒˆ https://t.co/ftIWl1DqIm [@9GAG]

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Charging...and full happiness! ๐Ÿ”‹ By show840918 | IG https://t.co/AEtAQJSf8R [@9GAG]

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Yoga mat enters fifth year behind sofa https://t.co/fpRv7EmTd7 https://t.co/LVM6wJHgP7 [@thedailymash]

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This should be a thing in every bathroom. https://t.co/EM1bVVE8oN [@9GAG]

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Hmm I wonder who did it... By fardinmessi | IG https://t.co/WfhgtdzOXl [@9GAG]

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Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Ringrazio di cuore @fuketsuna per aver tradotto in giapponese la mia battuta di oggi. Nella terra del Sol Levante la capiranno sicuramente, sarร  un successone: i nipponici sono grandi fans di #ThiagoMotta e soprattutto dei panettoni. Https://t.co/EZS1K1GwjY [@Santas_Official]

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Monday, October 14, 2019

QUICK! EVERYONE TO ALDI! NOW! BARGAINS TO BE HAD! https://t.co/RFBktJBJvy [@Pandamoanimum]

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eye of the tiger - survivor https://t.co/5XCIYP4s2z [@communistbops]

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Sunday, October 13, 2019

Deleting Facebook Has Allowed Me To Get Back To Stoking Racial Prejudice With My Friends And Family In Person https://t.co/cOEqmldTag https://t.co/BPsydcnZop [@ClickHole]

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Every cat at 2am ๐Ÿ˜นBy itsjasonpowell | IG and itsoliviaangele | IG https://t.co/sgIVYFBRoo [@9GAG]

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Friday, October 11, 2019

As the periodic table celebrates its 150th birthday, scientists say they’d love to organise a party but there are too many elements to consider. [@haveigotnews]

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Saturday, September 21, 2019

We're friends 'til the end, remember?⠀ ๐Ÿ“น romeo_1015 | IG https://t.co/Xsm23TxNw9 [@9GAG]

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Thursday, September 12, 2019

From memory I think Paragraph 15 was the one about having to round up all the poor people to use them as a source of fresh meat. #Yellowhammer https://t.co/vhwnDAAp0G [@BorisJohnson_MP]

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Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Me when people complain about the new iPhone but go to buy it on the first day #AppleEvent #iPhone11Pro https://t.co/pPWebALgUP [@9GAG]

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Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Would you tell him the truth? He looks happy. https://t.co/J7sbYL0u8W [@9GAG]

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BREAKING: MPs complain about not being able to do anything for five weeks, having done absolutely nothing since June 2016. [@haveigotnews]

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Sunday, September 8, 2019

Best Pope Ever! Pope Francis Is Allowing Catholics To Eat 2 Communion Wafers At A Time If They Believe Jesus Was A Conjoined Twin https://t.co/sfCamc51lz https://t.co/oKpqQsUoW3 [@ClickHole]

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็ŒซใŒๅฎ‡ๅฎ™ใซๅ‘ใ„ใฆใชใ„ใฎใŒๅˆ†ใ‹ใ‚‹ๅ‹•็”ป。 #ๅฎ‡ๅฎ™ #็Œซ https://t.co/cWAX3qTImD [@cccp2017]

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Friday, September 6, 2019

Watching my son go off to school in his grey slacks, blazer and tie this morning I wonder why the hell they’re made to dress like they’re attending a golf club lunch in 1982. [@MooseAllain]

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Sir? Yes, You There, Fellow! Perchance Might We Interest You In A Miraculous Enlargement Of The Penis? https://t.co/MQ0BCYXluL https://t.co/A5SiUwwEQX [@ClickHole]

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Thursday, September 5, 2019

@ThePoke "but I only said I'd arrange for him to be beaten up, I never actually did it!" https://t.co/DflSxSn8NN [@IamHappyToast]

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BREAKING: Boris Johnson unveils new-look Conservative Party. https://t.co/2GbZmixleR [@haveigotnews]

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Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Brexit update. https://t.co/ObOyt5YXv8 [@Pandamoanimum]

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Why end your sentences when you can just "LOL"? ๐Ÿ˜‚ #TheMashReport https://t.co/IyeVb1VNIR [@BBCTwo]

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https://t.co/6eitSFgVCs [@FreeMemesKids]

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๐Ÿ˜‚ https://t.co/Halzm6DxcK [@FreeMemesKids]

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๐Ÿ˜‚ https://t.co/n9S1Ibb0Iv [@FreeMemesKids]

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https://t.co/T6EOrF3MA2 [@FreeMemesKids]

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The number of people claiming to be sceptics has to be seen to be believed. [@MooseAllain]

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NEWS! Boris Johnson applies for Irish passport https://t.co/BhBo9MeZ0c https://t.co/S8aes46ypa [@newsthump]

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How To Talk to a Woman Wearing Headphones - go home - learn how to make music - become the #1 artist on spotify - say hi to her in the song - get married [@eddyburback]

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Tuesday, September 3, 2019

#Salvini dopo la notizia del #governogiallorosso https://t.co/xrHqhLKKKB [@rostokkio]

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It's #BackToSchool for those children who still have a school to return to. Click here to find out how your school can get involved in the Forensic Litter Collection scheme: http://bit.ly/32mzWDN #BackToSchool2019 #GetReadyForBrexit http://bit.ly/2HGyXX5 [@Scarfolk]

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I love the way Twitter always asks "What's happening?" as if anyone has a clue. [@ThePoke]

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BREAKING: UK now officially the first country to declare war on itself, and lose. [@ThePoke]

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Monday, September 2, 2019

Potential Employee Uprising Quelled With Free Pizza https://t.co/NdaOjArg2p https://t.co/jMv95fqbfh [@TheOnion]

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We Challenged This Man To Survive On Minimum Wage And He Immediately Got Hit By A Car https://t.co/j07GjdWtJI https://t.co/BIyaDaDp2l [@ClickHole]

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Make #filthy #spinoza GREAT again!


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Poll Finds Majority Of Americans Approve Of Child Labor Laws But Agree That Kids Carrying Briefcases Would Be Cute https://t.co/lTnbhMUHvT https://t.co/EzJp8ICIHI [@TheOnion]

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Mattuch Salvoza #spinoza #salvini #papeete


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NEWS! Unelected bureaucrat warns elected MPs against voting in favour of unelected bureaucrats https://t.co/i4lipKReZW https://t.co/x9aZ9wT55m [@newsthump]

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Good news: After no deal Brexit, the UK will become a land of unicorns. Bad news: We will have to eat them. [@ThePoke]

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Son just fell in... took me ages to get this shot https://t.co/IQdkgMZ25y [@RealBobMortimer]

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Sunday, September 1, 2019

Trump Vows To Eat All Surplus Pork Products China Refuses To Import https://t.co/knM5RHMMtc https://t.co/RiswXT5jAs [@TheOnion]

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The new government ... IT CAN BE DONE !!! #crisis # M5spd # conte2 #contebis #grillo https://t.co/rroEB7V95C [@ABkualcosa]

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Today I will dine with #Grillo and #Zingaretti by candlelight. I will make the candle. #CrisidiGoiverno # Conte2 #Conte [@ConteMaanche]

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+++ LAST HOUR +++ "He is already paid for not working". Conte announces Icardi as the new interior minister. #Icardi # 31 August #DiMaio #maratonamentana # Conte2 #governodisvolta #UltimOra [@Emanuele_Cecala]

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@nzingaretti @beppe_grillo if #conte went to #inter and #sarri in #juve, now everything is possible :) [@VujaBoskov]

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Saturday, August 31, 2019

#LERCIOSTORY Peace in the world, there is the no for the unions - by Isidoro Malvarosa https://t.co/mFiWfX4xRb

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#LERCIOSTORY Isis: "This cartoon offends Islam". Melt over 20,000 Cucciolone - by @SilentActorsFly https://t.co/cOUDoAcFOf

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#Icardi sues the # Inter. He wants full powers. # 31August #governodisosta [@MarcodallaSarde]

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The Premier Count has made it known that he will take care of drafting the program for the M5S PD government. He does not trust translations from German and French made by others. [@ MinistroEconom1]

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#DiMaio, "I didn't talk about ultimatums". Mica knows Latin. #crisigoverno #consultazioni #GovernoContebis [@VperViola]

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+++ LAST HOUR +++ Di Maio's ultimatum: "Either one introduces the obligation to button the polo shirt up to the last button or nothing happens". #maratonamentana #Contebis # 30agosto #DiMaio #Conte #GovernoContebis https://t.co/A0YlTfMeX3 [@Emanuele_Cecala]

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Friday, August 30, 2019

#LERCIOSTORY Vittorio Feltri weeps for an immigrant in Lampedusa: he was still alive - by @Davide_Paolino https://t.co/EhLYQEXWrk

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and maybe in a few days we find that #WandaNara makes more reasonable requests than #dimaio #dimaioBASTA [@VujaBoskov]

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Government, Di Maio raises the price: a coke and a sandwich 8 euros. # 30 August #DiMaio #GovernoContebis [@ Lazzaro1969]

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#LERCIOSTORY Flip coffee and cigarette: smoker dies from intestinal obstruction - by Mattia Zanotti https://t.co/bnF0vJYTuj

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To silence the allegations on the seats this will be the government of standing places. #consultationis #GovernoContebis #Governo #Conte #contebis [@ConteMaanche]

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A vote will be held on the #Rosseau platform to decide whether to vote on the Rosseau platform. [@Umorismoq]

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# GovernoConte2, all the competence of the M5S combined with the honesty of the PD. [@RenzoMattei]

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It seems that there are many difficulties regarding a new ministerial post for Di Maio. It would be a shame, he would have every right to be part of the Tsipras government. [@ MinistroEconom1]

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Salvini has even been left by Verdini. Wherever you are, thank you, Marty McFly and Dr. Emmett. [@LughinoViscorto]

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Francesca Verdini leaves Salvini. Now there are only ten more millions of Italians missing and it's done. #Salvini # 30 August #Verdini [@ Lazzaro1969]

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The President in charge Conte for the first statements to the press will have to choose which words to use, whether German or French. [@ MinistroEconom1]

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RT @LiveSpinoza: At the second term, Conte reduces expectations: "It will be a year of shit". [@Heliandros]

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RT @LiveSpinoza: Salvini greets Viminale employees: "Piacere, Matteo". [@Leomorabito]

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For the new #government #BeppeGrillo requested competent grillini ministers. I wonder what the previous plan was. [@ aleandro970] # 30 August # m5spd #Italia [@Kotiomkin]

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Thursday, August 29, 2019

Mattarella doesn't want to see anyone until Christmas dinner. [@Rostokkio]

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At the second term Conte reduces expectations: "It will be a year of shit". [@Heliandros]

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I think it was rather the Democratic Party that came out of Calenda. [@Fdecollibus]

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RT @LiveSpinoza: Mattarella gives Conte the job. Not to break his balls until 2022. [@ Lazzaro1969]

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The Democratic Party questions the abandonment of Calenda. But the answer is "sticazzi". [@Amotalbrezza]

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Still uncertainties about the role of Di Maio. With Salvini he has always been a passive. [@Rostokkio]

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Giorgetti: "This government will be the death of M5s and Pd". It is the first point of the program. [@GiovyDean]

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Conte is the only one who came out of the door and returned from the door. [@VperViola]

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Starting from Conte is like when you are under 4-0 in Fifa, turn off the power and start again from the last save. [@Ilmagodifloz]

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As a sign of dรฉtente Di Maio will take care of a couple of children from Bibbiano. [@ Ibico75]

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We remind viewers that the La7 programming is available in the Official Journal. #maratonamentana [@Ilmagodifloz]

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RT @LiveSpinoza: Salvini: "The destinies of Italy decided in Brussels". So you learn not to go there. [@Leomorabito]

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Mattarella gives Conte the job. Not to break his balls until 2022. [@ Lazzaro1969]

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Mattarella receives Conte. "You could have avoided that beautiful year". [@ 100lucagian]

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Salvini: "The destinies of Italy decided in Brussels". So you learn not to go there. [@Leomorabito]

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Today the assignment to Conte. The second season is starting as the first. [@Amotalbrezza]

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Mattarella calls Conte for 9.30am. "And bring me the newspaper, which from the Democratic Party onwards I dozed off." [Vittore]

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A brief speech by Mattarella: "Italians, and mo are your cocks". [@ Lazzaro1969] [@LiveSpinoza]

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Wednesday, August 28, 2019

+++ GIORGIA MELONI REQUESTS TO DEATH THE ROUSSEAU +++ PLATFORM [@ Pantana21]

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#ultimora Pensioner accidentally presses a banner on the Rousseau Platform and finds himself Minister of the Economy https://t.co/clzVnWbhoF

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Casaleggio reassures about the correct functioning of the vote on Rousseau: "If you want I already have the results". [@ Lazzaro1969]

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Renzi invites everyone to overcome personal ambitions. They will be useless when he is emperor of the globe. [@ Guli__1979]

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Salvini: "Embarrassing majority". In continuity with the old government. [@MarcodallaSarde]

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The 5 Star Movement is divided on online voting. It was enough to deal with the PD to be infected. [@ Guli__1979]

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#ultimora "It's yellow-red!" "No, it's red-yellow!", Pd and M5S argue about the color of the new government https://t.co/vpIGifu4IV

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Di Maio: "Think of solutions, not to hit me". Eh, but that's the solution. [@ Montales1]

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Giorgia Meloni: "The goal of the PD-M5s government is to circumvent democracy". That might not be a bad idea. [@Ilmagodifloz]

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Meloni will take to the streets. But not upside down. [@ 7semola]

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Boris Johnson closes the English parliament until October 15th. "Come on, let's enjoy the show from Italy". [@ Montales1]

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In the perspective that it may go wrong, Di Maio has already submitted a request to make the staple of Office. [@Batduccio]

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Delrio: "We work on content". We know that he is someone who does not like foreplay. [@Ilmagodifloz]

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The M5s: "Our leader must be in government with a role". Isn't that a fool of a minister? [@Rego_tweet]

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+++ FAIL IN THE ROUSSEAU SYSTEM: TOWARDS THE ASSIGNMENT TO CANDY CRUSH SAGA +++ #rousseau #consultationis [@bravimabasta]

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In Bibbiano today we vote to see if it's ok to govern with the 5 stars. [@ Pantana21]

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"Let's talk about themes, not seats!" "Ok, what's the theme?" "The armchairs" [@MarcoFumetti]

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Emma Bonino: "We do not buy with a closed box". The grillini have the can opener. [@Rostokkio]

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I already imagine it Di Maio saying "It's the fault of two governments ago". [@ 7semola]

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In practice Di Maio and members take the salary to delegate important decisions to those who voted for them to make important decisions. [@ 100lucagian]

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I would not like to be in the shoes of what he will have to say to Mattarella "We have to wait for the outcome of the vote on Rousseau". [@ 100lucagian]

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Prepare moka: done Give the best news on social media: done Contact cleaning: done Organize varicella party for the small: done Decide the country's fate on Rousseau: done! [@Everything is alright_]

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First a mythomaniac that triggers an absurd crisis of government, then an incapable who, with the choice of #Rousseau, will oblige Mattarella today to make us go to early elections. The government of change is beautiful. Italy without European commissioner and soon with 25% VAT.

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Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Then joining the 10 points of Di Maio with the 5 of Zingaretti a little prick came out. [@ Guli__1979]

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RT @LiveSpinoza: The G7 offers 20 million aid for the Amazon. Now Tria is considering setting fire to Italy. [@Leomorabito]

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The M5s: "The Democratic Party has only spoken of ministries". Again with this political craze. [@Ilmagodifloz]

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The G7 offers 20 million aid for the Amazon. Now Tria is considering setting fire to Italy. [@Leomorabito]

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Where do you sign up to go on until May with consultations during the week and Serie A on the weekend? [@Rego_tweet]

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+++ PARAMITAN PHOTOGRAPHER FROM THE SPACE I COGLIONI DI MATTARELLA +++ [@Rego_tweet]

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Salvini: "The turnaround was ready for some time". If, on the other hand, you press his belly he says: "Boschi, Renzi, Saviano". [@ Guli__1979]

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#ultimora Luca Parmitano publishes the photo of Mattarella's balls from space https://t.co/tbEsOcZctO

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The M5s: "In the Democratic Party have confused ideas". Finally something that unites them. [@MaurizioAlba]

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RT @LiveSpinoza: Di Maio wants the Interior Ministry. "There is still its scent." [@Rego_tweet]

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Bonafede could be reconfirmed. There are no other parliamentarians good at video editing. [@Rego_tweet]

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Di Maio wants the Interior Ministry. "There is still its scent." [@Rego_tweet]

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Giorgia Meloni posts a video with a canned tuna. She's the one with the hair. [@Leomorabito]

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To make you understand the situation: messages of solidarity from the Amazon are coming to Mattarella. [@ Guli__1979]

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RT @LiveSpinoza: To make you understand the situation: messages of solidarity from the Amazon are coming to Mattarella. [@ Guli__1979]

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Minniti hypothesis on the Interior. Finally we will bomb the NGOs. [@Rego_tweet]

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#LERCIOSTORY Mattarella assigns exploratory mandate to Sauron #crisigoverno #consultazioni - READ THE ARTICLE of @ amichiel8 ---> https://t.co/S3aT74U9v7

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Pd-M5s meeting 11am canceled. "Do we have noon with guns?" [@Rego_tweet]

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To explain the Foreigners in Di Maio they had to use the metaphor of the guest curve. [@Amotalbrezza]

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Di Maio could end up in foreign affairs. At least there is no need to know Italian. [@ABkualcosa]

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Salvini: "I will do everything to avoid an executive with the Democratic Party". Also the Pd. [@MockLoBemide]

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You hurt yourself too: follow the consultations on @LiveSpinoza https://t.co/txbi7DfwVE

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Last beach [@LughinoViscorto] https://t.co/l6sUKLaLgV

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Monday, August 26, 2019

Lukaku has already understood his companions. #lukaku #inter #interlecce #seriea https://t.co/KcorfbJ9cu

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#Lerciostory Estate: it's still men alert with sweaters on their shoulders - by @ilcana https://t.co/DyapTgQI5U

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Innocent evasions [@NicoLakePlacid] https://t.co/in3VTqBgF8

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#ultimora Bolsonaro reassures: "Fires in the Amazon will go out thanks to the melting of the glaciers" https://t.co/WXaYSF0kLz

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Mark. He runs to kiss the girl. They cancel the goal and continue to play. A sad story. https://t.co/zFTh6vIisZ

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#LERCIOSTORY Woman gives birth on Trenitalia intercity. But it was virgin ascent - by Pablo Quirici https://t.co/Bnha3LQVyt

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#LERCIOSTORY Goat found alive under a bench - by @pinuzdroid https://t.co/Cij3ClvrH7

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#LercioStory Mattarella does not know what the fuck to do and calls itself re - READ THE ARTICLE by Sergio Marinelli ---> https://t.co/FK3YKYabLk

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#LercioStory Barista kills client who ordered coffee using 14 adjectives - READ THE ARTICLE by @ amichiel8 -> https://t.co/fa2eEFalGL

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#LERCIOSTORY Boy beaten by friends becomes genius and understands that those weren't all that much friends - by @Randomante https://t.co/bPuQ4qKthZ

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Mattarella wants a new name by Tuesday. And also forged documents. [@Enzofilia]

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#mult Pd-M5S Agreement: no to the parliamentary cut, but lower https://t.co/bvUsxfuRmy will be chosen

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#LercioStory Berlusconi falls asleep during a blowjob #consultations #crisigoverno - by Davide Marzorati https://t.co/NaSDAOg95m

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#LERCIOSTORY They emitted CO2 at night so as not to be discovered: four thousand redwoods were arrested - READ THE ARTICLE by @il_democritico https://t.co/Nowe1jO8JE

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